Who Wears These Shoes

First off I would like to say that going from 100 degrees to 50 degrees in 24 hours is not cool. Not cool at all mother nature. Actually it really is "cool". Too cool in fact.
I mean 100 degrees in September was no cup of tea either, and I know I complained, but dropping 50 degrees?!?! Really!?!?! What about a nice sunny 70 degree day?? Is that too much to ask?
Ok, so the other day the hubby walks in from one of his weekly jaunts to one of our unknown number of storage units and drops a pair of shoes on the counter, and says, "Are these yours?". Now I have several issues with this.

1. They are shoes. Do not put them on my counter. This is where I prepare loving meals of Hamburger Helper for our family.

2. Um, no honey. If you think those are mine then I am not sure you have a very good sense of my style after 9 years of marriage.

3. If those are from some ex-girlfriend of yours then a)bless her poor sweet heart I hope she found a disciple like Birkenstock wearing man, because you my friend are not her type b)I am sure she is now married with several children, one of which she has wrapped around her waist in several yards of some vintage fabric, with her hair flowing all while serving a granola type lunch to her kids (definitely not hot dogs and grilled cheese).

4. I don't really have a 4, but I mean seriously....did he really think these were mine!?!?!

Y'all, these shoes belong to someone and they sure aren't this momma.
However, I think I have come to the conclusion that they most likely belong to his mother, circa 1998....or even to the previous owner of his momma's house, circa 1986...
Which I know might come as a surprise to you. But you see, hubs doesn't want anything to go to waste.
We have family photos of the previous owner of his momma's house.
I know.
It's insane.
Now realize you can say, you knew me when....long before we showed up on that episode of hoarders.
Pray for me y'all. Please.

And if anybody needs a pair of Jesus sandals. I'm your girl. Free to good home. Size 8. Gently used.