Welcome to the craziness....

Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloweenie!

Ahhhh yes, it is that time of year again.
Time to get all the kiddos dressed and out the door in order to fill them with sugar just before bedtime.
On a school night.
Who makes these decisions?!!
What's wrong with doing this on the Friday before Halloween??

Anyhoo, it appears we have an 11th hour decision here in the house...
(which btw, why is it called 11th hour?? Why wouldn't it be 23rd hour?? As in the last hour in the day??)
It appears Carter has had a change of heart, she no longer wants to be Batgirl.
She wants to be a purple fairy.
I can't even fake a purple fairy at this point!
We are at the 23rd hour kid!

Not to mention I cannot walk.
Really, I can't.
You see there was this 5K back on Saturday.
And you must also see that I am NOT, I repeat NOT a runner.
However, no one wants to appear like the weak link in their group so I did do a little running intermixed with brisk walking.
And let me tell you...
I. am. paying. for. it.

It started with my hips...moved down to my knees...and now I have the shin splints straight from Hades.
Last night I took a hot bath, rubbed myself down with Icy Hot, put a heating pad on my back and iced my knees.
Pretty sure my hubby thinks I'm a wimp.
Perhaps I should go as great Aunt Edna for Halloween.
Someone get me a walker!

(I think the Icy Hot fumes are getting to me....)

Speaking of fumes, I think the exterminator fumes may be SLOWLY working...
I have set up some homemade flea traps and our numbers are beginning to dwindle...
Let's just hope the fleas don't outlive Kim Kardashian's marriage.
72 days is just too long to live with fleas.

Happy Halloween...hope it's full of treats and not tricks!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Ten Things Tuesday...

I can't sleep.
It is an odd phenomenon that has overtaken me lately.
You see...I LOVE sleep.
No, really, I LOVE sleep.
But I can't shake the feeling lately when I lay down that there are bugs jumping around everywhere...I start scratching and can't stop...
(one day I hope to post again without the mention of any insects...I am certain that day is coming. It's just not here yet)

So in honor of my lack of sleep I am starting a new post called "Ten Things Tuesday". I would be remiss if I didn't think that "Ten Things Tuesday" may not last. I hate to commit to an every week post because let's face it. Life happens. There are kids, dogs, husbands, fleas... This could be a one time post or it could it turn into "Ten Things Friday", which doesn't exactly have the same ring to it. Anyhoo, let's give it a go.

Today's "Ten Things Tuesday" post: Fall Fashion


The poncho.

A staple for every Fall wardrobe. Plus it looks so cozy.


The brown riding boot.

I am STILL searching for the perfect pair. My sister has these and she loves them. Can't beat the price either!


Cute Peacoat.

Love this. So cute. Love the ruffle detail. The color. Just adorable!


The Fur Vest.

Now, I don't know that I could pull off this look...for a number of reasons. First off, the whole flea issue...this appears to be a flea magnet if you ask me. However, it's a Rachel Zoe pick....and I LOVE her. Plus, it's kind of quirky and different...but that's also why I love it.


Cute Flat.

You can't beat a cute flat...especially when carting around numerous children. Love the color and I'm a sucker for the animal prints....


The Ruana.

Yeah. I didn't know what a ruana was either. I had to consult with google. Basically it's a glorified poncho. Or according to wikipedia it is a poncho in most Spanish speaking countries and worldwide but it's a ruana in cold regions of Columbia and Venezuela. (You learn all kinds of things these days....)

And we are back to the brown boot.

I really just need to commit. I have so many saved on pinterest. I seriously have commitment issues...with brown boots.


The Infinity Scarf.

I am seeing these everywhere. A good scarf is a must. And what better than one that is infinite. And in animal print.


Soiree Studs.

I am not sure why this picture is so small. But if you squint you can make them out.
Or save yourself the trouble and just click on the link.
These aren't necessarily a Fall trend...but I LOVE these. I have them and I wear them everyday. They are perfect for dressing up or down. I am such a sucker for Stella & Dot...


Fun Nail Color.

I have never been able to pull off nail color. I think it comes from never having nails that grow... And now of course I wash my hands a billion times a day, change diapers, and do all sorts of other mommy duties that would cause this polish to last...oh, let's say....5 minutes. Plus, I CANNOT paint my own nails. I am not sure how people do it. I can get my left hand looking pretty good, but the right hand....well, it looks like I let my 16 month-old paint them.

That about wraps it up folks.
Happy shopping.
I am off to bed.

Monday, October 24, 2011

I'm back!

Hey y'all! I'm back!
I survived the trip to Charleston...the 9 hour drive and all the mayhem that is taking a "vacation" with three little people under the age of six. We all know it is no vaca, but more of an undertaking.

However, I am pleased to say, we actually had a great time! We frolicked in the ocean, went to the pumpkin patch, did a little shopping, did LOTS of eating...and got to "sleep in" (aka 7:30 instead of 7am...I'll take what I can get)

Well, needless to say there was LOTS going on at home while we were away.
Let's just say while the people are away, the fleas will play.
The fact is I think the fleas had an all out par-tay.
I am not sure who made the comment about rabbits and the ahem, shall we say..."reproducing" that they do...but they had it all wrong.
I am pretty certain the fleas turned on some Barry White, dimmed the lights, and had a little fun.
Did you know a flea can lay up to 50 eggs a day?!?!
Yeah, me either.
We were gone 6 days.

So, needless to say, here I sit waiting on the professional. I thought I could handle the fleas. But alas, I am at my mercy. I can not take it any longer. I am tempted to torch the house. Probably not the best idea.

I have vacuumed the entire house.
12 times.
Since yesterday.
All the small objects (non-furniture) are up off the floors.
The closets are cleaned out.
There is nothing under any of the beds.
The bedding has all been removed and bleached.
The floors have been mopped.
The food has been covered, removed, stored, etc...
The pets are still being boarded.
Let's just say if this doesn't work you may have to come visit me at the mental institute.

Speaking of institution...I had to go to the local Apple store while we were on vaca...I loathe that place. It also causes me angst that I feel like may lead me to be carted off to the looney bin.

I don't know what it is.
The blue shirts.
The people that work there speaking in intelligent Apple like sentences.
The people who come in and just hang out at those high top tables...what are they doing there anyway?!?!
The fact you have to make an appointment to be seen there. I mean come on...you aren't a doctor's office. Although I have certainly waited there for long periods of time just like at a doctor's office.

Anyhoo...the phone died. I needed a phone. So I had to suck it up and make my appointment.

The Apple store down there is in downtown so I am not as familiar with my way around. I did finally find it though and get situated in a parking garage a few blocks away.
I hustled the kids out of the car to get in there because the nice man on the phone told me if I didn't get there within 6 minutes of my appointment I would lose my place.
(6 minutes...really?!?! Why 6? That seems like an odd number to me....why not an even 10...I mean people run into issues, esp when coming from out of town...)

On the way in it was raining and I had flip flops on.
I don't know what it is about my old navy flip flops but they turn into ice skates in the rain.
I slipped on the sidewalk and got a big gash on my foot...and nearly dropped my youngest child.
Finally we found the Apple store and got in just as our sixth minute approached.
I hobbled in bleeding, checked in and asked for band aid.
After waiting a sweet eternity it turns out all I had to do was push the home screen button twice on my phone, close all the apps and voila it was fixed.
And this is why I am not Steve Jobs.
God rest his soul.

When we left the store I hung a left to head back to the parking garage.
Only I couldn't find the parking garage.
We circled the block 5 times.
I could NOT find the parking garage.
It was as if it had disappeared.
(note: this is probably why I should be committed...because I believed that I was going crazy...the parking garage had vanished!)

Needless to say after circling the block numerous times, dragging my poor kids with me, and making a detour into a CVS and bribing them with candy to persevere and push forward we made it to the parking garage...

I have no idea. It's as if it just magically appeared.

We got back onto the interstate to meet my MIL at the outlet mall north of downtown.

I am sure you won't be surprised when I tell you I was so flustered I looked up and we were headed south, to Savannah...

It was just that kind of day.

Many more vacation stories to come I'm sure...

If I am not institutionalized before then.

Have a wonderful Monday.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Diggin' For Gold...

...not "diggin' for gold" like my 3 year-old would do.

Or "diggin' for gold" like Heather Mills (aka Paul McCartney) or the latest housewife of who knows where.

Literally digging for gold.

And when I say digging.
I mean digging.
I just need one of those metal detectors with the annoying "beep" sound.
Isn't it great when you are laying on the beach, trying to get your dose of vitamin D and one of those random beach gold digger people sends their little metal detector over near your head. Between that and the squawking of the birds that the kids next to you are enticing with their goldfish... I mean seriously... What do these people think this is?!! A beach?? A free world!?? Say what??

Anyway. Re-focus.

So ya know the hubs and his "collecting"???
That's my affectionate term for hoarding...I just know A&E is gonna show up one day and feature us on an episode....
Well, he really doesn't throw ANYTHING away. So I was trying to do a little "investigating"...aka digging for gold.
I ventured into the deep dark depths of our storage area.
I thought about tying a rope around my waist and having the kids pull me out if I got stuck.
I assured them Mommy was going to be OK though and if I wasn't out by the end of their episode of Good Luck Charlie then call the authorities!

You are probably wondering why I felt the need to put myself in such grave danger in searching for gold.
You see I stare danger in the face.
I battle it full on.
No box of 1982 Sports Illustrated or tote full of Legos circa 1985 can stop me!

Truthfully, I have been invited to a gold party.

No, not the type where they hand out gold bricks. I am still waiting on that invite.

It's a party where you can bring your old gold and silver and such and make money.
Now I am with you Aunt Edna, it does sound sketchy...
If I show up and we are lead to a back room and there is a black curtain and I am frisked by a guy named "Big Hoss" on my way in I may think twice about hocking the gold herringbones...

Which reminds me. That is what I was digging for. The hubs was known to sport some serious herringbones in his time. I mean circa 1990, turtleneck, button down v-neck sweater, peg rolled acid wash jeans, complete with herringbone chain.

Life doesn't get any sweeter. Or sexier.

He's lucky I met him AFTER that phase. Or I guess it's me that's lucky.

Anywho, we'll see how all this goes. I mean it has to be better than those infomercial type deals you see on TV where you mail your gold off to who knows where and they CLAIM they'll send you what it's worth. I had a girlfriend tell me she made 12cents. Hmmmm. Someone is getting the short end of the stick on that deal.

In the meantime...like I said...If I go in here and don't come out. Y'all know where to find me.
That is if you can find me.
Just look past the 26 totes of Christmas.
The box of the stuff belonging to the lady that used to live in the house before his Mom 15 years ago.
I might be right underneath the box containing the "1 of 6, 2 of 6, 3 of 6...etc" collector's cans of Planter's peanuts.
Again, I kid.
Sort of.
OK, not really.
Just call A & E now.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Road Trippin'

I don't have a lot for ya today...or that's what I say now. We'll see if I reach the 1000 character point...I've been known to ramble.

First off, let me say y'all need to pray for me. I know I just asked for prayer for the dentist but this is a close second.
I am taking a 9 HOUR car trip with all 3 kiddos and the hub's grandparents.
You see, this could be disastrous on a number of levels...

Take for instance Jack's disdain for the carseat. It's as if I am placing him in some sort of torture trap...the screaming begins as soon as I place him in there, then I must wrestle him as he slithers and wiggles until I can get him harnessed in. I mean really, what is it with the carseat?!? It's not a bad thing kid! It keeps ya safe! Now consider he'll be riding in there for 9 HOURS.
My plan is to just keep pitchin' food back there...

Secondly, let's talk about the DVD player. Y'all know that when the kids watch the DVDs you must LISTEN to the DVDs. I could possibly remain semi-sane if I wasn't forced to listen to Dora, Scooby, and the ultimate whiner, Caliou for 9 HOURS.
Hmmm...wonder if I can wear earpbuds and use the ipod?
"I'm sorry officer, it is much safer for the other motorists on the road if I listen to this than if I am forced to hear the Wonder Pets theme song again..."

Then there is this.
Now don't get me wrong...I adore the hubs grandma.
Love her.
However...she REALLY REALLY likes her Estee Lauder "Beautiful" perfume. I mean REALLY likes it. And let me tell ya...my allergies?? They really REALLY DO NOT like it. I think I may have to implement a windows open clause for the first hour or so, as to air the mini out. Otherwise I may be wearing earbuds and a gas mask.
I kid.
Sort of.

So needless to say...as always...it should be an adventure!

In other news Jack has this strange thing about pointing to all men and saying, "Dada".
This can make for awkward times in Walmart.
No sir, he's not yours. Don't worry.

And then there is Carter...
She is learning Spanish at school.
She believes all people who may look slightly different than her speak Spanish.
Case in point: We were at the ballpark the other day and a woman of Asian decent walked by. Carter looks at me and says, "Look mama, we should speak Spanish to her". Loudly.
As she points at her.

More awkward times.

And I thought the only awkward stage was middle school.
Apparently not.

Happy Tuesday...may your day be free of embarrassment!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Sometimes my coffee makes me feel like superwoman...

So, call me crazy...but sometimes when I have my cup of coffee in the morning I feel like a superhero. Like I can accomplish anything. Do ya'll get that? Or is it just me...and maybe the fact I can finally breathe out of my left nostril. Btw, nostril is one of those words that I could do without...

Let me warn you now...I have a feeling this is one of those posts where I ramble on about nothing... Consider yourself warned.

So we are in the midst of Fall break over here...not sure who started this whole fall break thing...I mean when I was a kid we didn't have fall break...we walked to school, in the snow, uphill both ways...
Evidently my kids didn't get the memo.
It's fall break.
You sleep late.
You don't wake up before 7, jump on my bed, and demand fruit loops and juice...embrace your break children, love it, don't resist the temptation to sleep until 9.
Who am I kidding?

In other unrelated news...the fleas.
Oh the fleas.
I broke open the box to do the fogger treatment and it seemed a tad complicated. Something about turning off pilot lights, taping up windows, moving furniture off the carpet. Ohmaword. The complicated-ness of it all. It overwhelms me. Even in my coffee superhero state.

So I did what any sane person would do.
I called the professionals.
So fleas be warned, the pest man has your number.
Your days are numbered.

Speaking of pests...there are these people who call my land line all the time. Now it's funny that we even have a land line. The ringer is NEVER on. The machine fills up constantly so if you do call and I haven't deleted the inbox there is no way to leave us a message. And I am pretty certain the actual cordless phone (ya'll remember those right???) that goes on the dock is missing...I let Jack play with it one day in a moment of desperation and I haven't seen it since. What did we do before cell phones?? I could spend days on that topic.

So anyway, I decided I'd clear off the machine and make room for all those people who call us on our landline.
Well, one would think we don't even own the landline because ALL THE MESSAGES WERE FOR SOMEONE ELSE!
I'm going to call her Pamela Smith to protect her identity...because you know one of the three people that read my blog may know the real person...
It is some crazy automated man and sometimes woman who sounds very angry that Pamela is not calling them back. They always use big fancy words, like "arbitrary matter", "grave situation", "imperative that you call us back"...etc etc...
So I don't know where Pam is but she should know David Wells and Debra Stevens are NOT happy with her.


I'll end on the fact we are having what the weather peeps are calling an Indian Summer... I LOVE it. LOVE it.
It does make wardrobe choices a tad difficult.
The 40 degree drop over the course of 12 hours is always tricky.
Layering is the key.
Cardi over the tee in the morning. Lose the cardi in the afternoon when it hits 80. Then back to the cardi when the sun goes down.
Now on particularly warm days it would be nice to have those zip away pants.
Pants in the morning.
Zip off the legs in the afternoon.
Zip on the legs in the evening.

Something tells me those aren't the best fashion choice though. I think one has to shop out of Cabela's catalog or the likes to wear that sort of thing. Not to knock Cabela's...I'm just not the outdoorsy type.
Camping...not my thing.
Camping at the Hyatt with room service....right down my alley.

Once again....thank you for reading this far. I'm going to go refill my coffee and adjust my superhero cape.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Rambles about wasps....and stings....and hypochondriacs...

So if you know my hubs at all... Or if you have ever heard me talk about him you would know he can be a wee bit of a hypochondriac.

I mean his grandma can come to visit and then come down with shingles a week later and his mom has to secretly call me to tell me.
You see, if he were to find out she had broke out with a case of the shingles then he would start itching and would have "mysterious" red welts, and he'd be surfing webMD.com and any other valuable source of information that can indeed confirm to him that he too, although he wasn't even home when she visited has come down with a case of shingles.

Every headache could mean it's a grapefruit size tumor growing in his head, any sting of pain on the right side could be his appendix about to burst, he stubs his toe and he's certain it's broken and will need plates and screws in order for it to fully operate as a normal toe again.

I mean don't get me wrong, I'm sympathetic and all. I mean I am, er, I was at one time a nurse. I am used to carrying for the sick and wounded.
Ok, really, I'm not.
I can't lie to you...I was a baby nurse. A well baby nurse. It was the best kind of patient. They couldn't talk, they had at least a dozen people there that REALLY wanted to care for them and they always left the hospital in 24-72 hours. It was the only reason I went into nursing.

So anyway...the hubby decided the night before last he was going to go spray some sort of insect repellent into the wasp nests outside our house. We have several. Something about living out here in the country really draws the bugs to us. I might need to reevaluate this country livin'.

So I tell him he better be careful and he better cover-up...and most importantly hurry up AND DON'T GET STUNG. I had a full night of TV before me...DWTS and Castle... I couldn't be interrupted if he were to get stung.

You see, rewind to a few summers ago and hubs decides to FINALLY take the plastic off the outside of our basement windows. Yes, it had been there since we moved in the house, but you know we don't exactly move quickly around here.

Anyhoo, I wasn't home, he was home with the kids and he goes out to rip the plastic off the windows...well apparently the wasps didn't want us messing with that plastic...and the hubs gets a few stings in the head.

So I'm driving along on my way home chatting up my mom on the cellphone and he beeps in. I tell her to hold on and I click over...he says, "ya gotta come home right now, I've been stung".

I tell him I'm on my way.

So I click back over to my mom and tell her he is totally exaggerating and he says I have to come home RIGHT AWAY. Well, I am not a few more minutes down the road and he calls AGAIN. I tell my mom to hold on, I think I may or may not have said, "please hold, the hypochondriac is buzzing in again".

He asks where I am, I tell him I'm three minutes closer than I was three minutes ago when he called.
He sounds desperate.
So I say go to the ER, I'll be home in two minutes, put the kids in front of the TV, they'll be fine.

So I click BACK over to Mom and I tell her I guess I better hustle home, hubs is about to have a panic attack over a couple bee stings.

I pass the hubs at the front of the neighborhood and I have to admit he does look a little pasty. Perhaps a little puffy too.

Wellllll, wouldn't you know I get a call from the ER doc about 30 minutes later that says to come up there, the hubs is going to be fine but he'll need a ride home. When I get there they tell me how his B/P dropped and how he had a severe allergic reaction. They also told him he should NOT have driven himself.

So now the hubs has an epi pen. I told him he better stay in line. I am a nurse. I know how to use that thing.

Oh, and the other night he chickened out. Something about it being dusk and the wasps were all back in the nest. Didn't want to take any chances.

Well, it's a good thing, cause Momma had some TV she wanted to watch. I can't be bothered by driving you to the ER because you stirred up the wasp nest.

Thank you for reading this far.
I'm at an all time low telling ya'll about a story from 3 years ago.
I blame it on the Nyquil.
And the fact I can only breathe out one nostril.
And that I had to go back to the dentist today.
And that I went to the endodontist yesterday (with no happy pill).
Ok, I'll stop now. I sound like him.
May the peace of Nyquil wash over me now...

Monday, October 3, 2011

Crowns and Fleas...

...but not fleas wearing crowns because that would be odd.

So I survived my dentist appointment last Wednesday...well, obviously I did, because I am writing you, but I mean I really survived it.
Remember that little blue happy pill?
Yeah, neither do I...
Nor do I remember the appointment, driving home, rather my mom driving me home...or the various stops we made on the way home. In fact I don't even really remember being at my son's tball game last Wednesday night.

Needless to say the little blue pill indeed worked it's magic.

Thankfully Mom didn't put up a YouTube video of me...she did post a picture on FB of me and the clown cone from Baskin Robbins I insisted she get me on the way home.
After the Baskin Robbins stop I apparently also made her stop at Fresh Market. I love Fresh Market....even when I'm sober...apparently under the effects of the little blue pill I really like it. I am sure it was a glorious trip to the market...I really do adore that place and all their yummy food. It's so fresh. And it's a market. A great combo if you ask me.

Like I said, the tball game that night is a little fuzzy too...I remember bringing my bag of popcorn (from the Fresh Market), gourmet mind you, to the tball game and not sharing with the little kids... I mean come on kids, let's leave the five dollar gourmet to me, you take the dollar box from the concession stand.
Anyhoo, no one looked at me funny at yesterday's game so I must have acted semi-normal Wednesday night (that, or they think I always act like I'm crazy...perhaps they shouldn't answer that).

And the dental saga continues...I am going back to the endodontist tomorrow so he can "finish up"...I had to call and find out when exactly this appointment was...I had a hard time remembering when I made the appointment. I asked the girl about the little blue happy pill and she told me I wouldn't need it. Hmmmm... I hope she is sure about that.

In the meantime the temporary crown came off yesterday...might have been that piece of licorice I was having...I plead the fifth. I am carrying it around in my purse in a ziploc bag, they told me not to try and re adhere it with denture cream (my idea...that I thought was brilliant.) She told me I might swallow it.
I wonder if I could put it under my pillow. I have had my eyes on a new pair of brown boots... What's the tooth fairy paying these days???

Now on to fleas.
I wish I had a prettier transition.
I don't.
I mean, it's fleas.
There is no way to "pretty" that up.

We have three dogs. And it appears all have been taken over by fleas.
I took them to the (not so cheap) groomer last week to have this little problem fixed. She gave them some little pill...not a little blue happy pill...a get rid of fleas to make your owner happy pill...
She said they'd be gone in 30 minutes, then they'd bathe them and shave them and call me for pickup.

Fast forward a week later...the fleas are still here. In abundance.
It's like they are retaliating against me. You took out our brothers, sisters, and cousins with that tiny pill...we'll show you!
The ultimate is when I went to take a sip of my coffee yesterday and I found one who had decided to drown his sorrows in caffeine. Yes, right there in my coffee.
I called the hubby immediately and said it's me or the fleas. They will not win!
Sooooo, the dogs have an appointment with the vet in the morning. And the house has a date with a flea bomb.

I'm not sure what a flea bomb is but at this moment it sounds divine. So we will exit the building, er, house tomorrow and detonate the bomb.

May no flea be left alive.