Welcome to the craziness....

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Pass the happy pills...

I'm off to the dentist.
Well, not the dentist, the endodontist.
I am not even sure what that means.
I do not like the dentist.
I do not like the endodontist. (I already know...I can tell)
I did not like the orthodontist. (Back in HS...man, the pain after they'd tighten those braces...they robbed me of all the fun I could have had with that stick of laffy taffy)

I think it's safe to say I am not a fan of all things ending in "tist".

Sure there are those places that offer you warm milk & cookies, hand massages, vibrating chairs, etc.
HA! Yeah right, that does not change the fact you are coming at me with a drill people.

So I'm ashamed to admit that today is my third appointment.
The first one I cancelled.
I had a mom event and I did NOT want to miss my precious kid free mom time to let some guy drill in my mouth. Where's the fun in that!?!

I cancelled the second because one of the kids had a stomach bug. It may or may not have been at least 48 hours earlier....but hey, who's counting???

Today is the appointment. I couldn't bail again. What would they think!?!

Who am I kidding?? I have already called twice to cancel, three times to ask what exactly they will be doing today, and twice asking what exactly they give for pain/anxiety...

When I called to ask for an explanation of the procedure and what they give the nice lady on the phone said, "oh don't worry, we have nitrous oxide (laughing gas) and Dr. so & so probably won't even have to do it...it will just be like a routine root canal..."

There is no such thing as a ROUTINE ROOT CANAL.
You are speaking to the person who had an IV for the first root canal. (that did not take mind you...and that is how I got into this little predicament)
Um, no.
I will need something a little more.

So, PTL, I am about to take a little blue "happy pill".
Mom is driving me.
I have already warned her, if I end up on YouTube she is off the Christmas list...and grounded from her grand kids.

Oh my word the nerves...
I can't even focus on the US Weekly Mom brought me to read...times they are tough.
Ok, gotta run...my "happy pill" and I have a date.

Monday, September 26, 2011

FREE Minivan To Good Home

There was a free van giveaway last Wednesday. Did you all miss it?
There wasn't much advertising.
In fact there was no advertising.

I went to meet a good friend over at David's Bridal to try on bridesmaid dresses. Have ya'll ever done that...it's like a whole room of taffeta and bright colors all rolled into one. It's enough to tickle the fancy of any one of those mom's from Toddler and Tiaras...

After trying on several different numbers...short, poofy, long, strapless, a line, one shoulder, gray black, purple, pink, orange...the bride settled on a perfectly acceptable little black strapless number that REALLY can be worn again. I always hate those brides that say (and I was one of them), "Oh don't worry, you can wear this again". Yeah right. Where? To the 1980 Prom flashback?

So anyhoo, after the dress was chosen the bride wanted to check out The Hobby Lobby. I am sad to say that prior to this trip she thought Hobby Lobby was a sporting goods store.
I know.
We are trying to diversify her to the ways of the world.

After a brief run through the Christmas section (that has been up since mid-May) and the wedding section we were off to choose the flowers.

After the flower shop...which was all the way on the other side of town, we ran by the rental store, also on the other end of town.

About 5 hours after I had pulled up at the bridal store we pulled back in the parking lot so that the bride could drop me back at my van. When we pulled in she looked at my van and said, "Are your windshield wipers going?".

Now. This does not bode well for either of us. Because...

a) she even asked it, like it was a legitimate question
b) I answered, with a, "ooops, yeah, I must have left them on"

Um, yeah, I left them on all right.
I left the car running.
With the keys conveniently located right there in the cup holder.

Sadly the most disturbing thing to me was that I had JUST FILLED UP WITH GAS. And my tank was now HALF EMPTY! I hate paying for gas. I mean I have no problem spending 20 bucks on a great top at Tarjay...but I mean 20 bucks, that's only like a quarter tank of gas these days. Seriously, wouldn't you rather have a cute top over a tank of gas!?!?

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly...ok not really...I am still mad about wasting a whole half tank of gas.
I left my van running!!!
It could have been gone.
I can see explaining that one to the husband. "Um, sorry honey, I don't know what happened...the car thieves must have really wanted the van. What?? Noooooo, I didn't leave it running with the keys in it!!! Why would I do something like that!?!?".

I can only believe it wasn't stolen. Because...

a) it's a minivan. I mean come on. I don't even want to be driving it, but that 3rd kid really made it difficult to do much else.

b) ground in cheerios, goldfish, a three day old sippy cup and stickers all over the window kind of devalue it on the black market

c)some dude probably looked in there saw the carseats and was afraid the kids that belong in them were lying in wait. Ready to pounce on him and eat him alive. Much like they do to me each day between 4 & 7 PM.

Thank you to the mini-van gods who saved my little Sienna that day from uncertain doom. I am forever grateful.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Well This Is Just Weird

I am currently conducting a secret undercover covert operation...
Ok, so it's really not as exciting as it seems, but it is definitely puzzling.

I mean I conduct CoveOps (you like that lingo, don't you??) everyday.
We all do...especially us Moms.

For instance...
-There is "Operation Missing Sock". I conduct this one on a bi-weekly basis. In fact, anytime I do laundry. It never fails, there is always a missing mate.
And I like the motto, leave no man behind...er, no sock behind.

-There is "Operation Where Did That Tiny Lego Go That Jack Put In His Mouth".
You don't wanna know how this one turns out. Or shall we say comes out.

- And of course there is the trusty 'ol, "What In The World Am I Gonna Fix For Dinner Mission?".
This one involves carefully examining the ingredients you have before you...slightly frost bitten chicken, a box of hamburger helper (but no hamburger meat), leftover pizza....or of course, hotdogs.

-And then I'd be remiss to mention, "Operation I Am Not a Short Order Cook, You Will Eat What I Fix you....And You Will Not Appear Magically Hungry At 8PM, Which Is Conveniently Bedtime".
This one y'all, it's a hard one. It involves a lot of blood, sweat, and tears...well, not really all that, but it ain't pretty.

Ok, you get my drift.

Anyhow, the current mission is this.

I feel like I should whisper this and you should lean in close.
But I just had fiery chipotle salsa for dinner and I don't wanna catch your eyebrows on fire.
Not that I am really in front of you.
I'm on your computer screen.
Well, not really ON it per se...
Ok, you get it.

So yesterday I received a baby shower invitation in the mail.
For someone I don't know.
I also do not know the hostess.
Hand addressed. To my house. To me.
From people I DO NOT know.


So I think to myself, maybe it's from someone in my husband's family.
Cause let me tell y'all they are large and in charge. Every time we have a family function I meet another long lost relative I've never met before. (and we have been together 11 years)
I still remember at my bridal shower there were so many people I didn't know who to look at and thank after I opened a gift.
I kinda did the whole..."thank you Aunt Susie"...as I skimmed the crowd with my eyes, not making direct contact with anyone.
Plus, who makes the new girl sit in the middle of a circle of 50 older ladies and open all the gifts anyway. It was like I was a chimpanzee at the Cincinnati zoo. I almost died of embarrassment.
But I did get the Williams Sonoma cake stand I had been coveting.

Sorry the train o' thoughts has derailed once again.

Long story short, nope, not the husband's family.
Nope, not my family.
Did the whole FB research thing, not friends on there either...she doesn't even look familiar.

The covert operation continues...

Btw, the invitation is really cute and they're even doing an exciting gender reveal at 2:30 PM...maybe I should show up for that.
Plus, it just dawned me...there might be some tasty treats...and cake... Momma loves some cake.
Ahhhhh, this is looking promising after all.
Now what do you get a complete stranger???

Monday, September 19, 2011

Grammar and Rhinos...

Ok, so I thought I'd tackle this subject early in my blogging career...I say that as if I'm embarking on a career path that will bring home way more than, "hey good job, that was funny".
There is something that drives me crazy and I need to share it with y'all. It is the faux pas known as grammatical errors. Now, I say grammatical errors because in this day and age with computers and all we can almost always spell check a document, email, text, or what have ya. I don't mean spelling something completely wrong.
For instance when I post a status on facebook that uses rhinoceros...because you never know when that kinda word might pop up in your day-to day activities...I totally spell check that bad boy.
The rhinoceros that is.
And his extremely difficult name to spell.
Why do that to us Mr. Rhino?!?
What's wrong with a simple cat? Or dog?

(ok...sorry...back on track now)

Oh no...that my friends can, in most instances be corrected before it goes into the technological land of forever. I mean the good 'ol there vs. their, your vs you're, its vs. it's...get my drift??

I must put my disclaimer in now though... I DO NOT SPELL THINGS CORRECTLY...I USE RUN ON SENTENCES AND DANGLING MODIFIERS (yeah, I had to look that one up too...).

So, this brings me to a recent little rendezvous that perhaps maybe sorta went down in my neighborhood last Saturday night. You see, momma was all kinds of tired and I just wanted to go to bed at a decent hour. However, the neighbors insisted I listen to the Cha-Cha Slide and I Got Friends in Low Places at decibels loud enough I could decipher every word(personally, I was near my wits end and I may or may not have wished my neighbors to "some low place").

So after waiting for it to end for a couple hours I thought I'd send them a cheery little note saying, hey, do you mind, knock it off...I got kids...who are trying to sleep. If you don't shut it down I'm going to send all of them over at 6am when they wake up--you might wanna have Cheerios ready....

I kid.

I seriously sent the sweetest little email you could imagine that kindly asked if we could wrap up a little earlier the next time.

Welllllll, lo and behold in my groggy mommy state of mind I seemed to have been mistaken. It was not our neighbors, it was a house several streets over.


Well, let me tell ya I didn't get the oh so cheery note back. It was more like hey lady, quit your crying...it wasn't us.


So me being the (usually) non-confrontational, people pleaser, do not like anything to be wrong in the world, lets all be friends kinda person, immediately sent a note back begging for forgiveness.
Then I sat around the rest of the weekend and into the next week feeling horrible and wondering if I should go bake them a banana nut loaf as a peace offering. Although, I want them to STILL LIKE ME...so I scratched that idea.

Fast forward a few days later and my mom so kindly points out (because I immediately sent her the email saying...was I rude? was I too harsh? look what I did! eeek!) that I made a MAJOR grammatical error. In my haste to still be friends I typed the following:

Please EXCEPT my apologies.


So now, not only do they think I am a complainer...they think I'm an idiot.

Perhaps the banana nut loaf is not a bad idea.

**P.S. If you read this far I commend you. I feel like this was one big run-on post...full of comma splices, uneccessary shifts in pronouns, misuse of prepositions, and sentence fragments.

**P.S.S. And of course I spelled rhinoceros wrong...thank goodness for spellcheck!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


I've never really been a fan of Huggies and their attempt at making the diaper hip. I mean going outside the box on diapers, I don't know if that's the best idea. A jean diaper, really?!?! Isn't that kind of like the pajama jean? I mean the thought of making jeans really comfortable is great and all...but are jeans really supposed to be comfortable? (definitely not knocking the pajama jean lovers out there. I am a proud snuggie owner...I really don't see that as being much better).
But alas....Huggies may just be on to something brilliant these days. Huggies Slip Ons. Now I get that it's really just a smaller glorified version of the pull-up...or a larger glorified version of Depends...but heck, it's where we start and end people so let's not shy away from the many styles of diapers we have to choose from.
I'll tell ya why I think this may just be the most amazing thing yet...
It's because when I go to change Jack's diaper it's like wrestling a barracuda.
That's on crack.

I mean I just go to get the diaper out and he's screaming like a nut! Then of course I have to try and bribe him with a shiny toy...or if I am desperate the TV remote. When I finally get him into position he hurtles the toy at my face and lets out a blood curdling scream. Then I must use every arm, leg, forearm, and elbow to pin him down in order to get the old diaper off. In the meantime I scramble to find another toy for him as he squirms out from under my leg and flips over slithering from my grasp. I'm tellin' ya it's like someone lathered him up with Crisco...
At this point I am sweating.
I finally give up, let him "air dry" for a moment.
Then he pees.
On the oriental rug. (at least it's a dark busy fabric...it'll hide the stain)

You see, I have what Huggies terms, an Acrobutt:

(sorry, mr. linky refused to cooperate...you'll have to do a good 'ol fashioned copy & paste if ya wanna see what I mean...)

So you know what, I may just have to jump on the Huggies bandwagon and join the latest diaper movement. After all, I can only wrestle the barracuda so many times before I just give up. (or have to break down and get the rug professionally cleaned)
There has to be an easier way.
I can not be defeated by my 14 moth-old.
Look out Jack, there is a new diaper in town.
And it's coming for you.

**See how happy that Mom is. She knows her rug and her sanity is safe.

Monday, September 12, 2011

My current fascinations...

Once again I come to you in numerical order... I blame it on the heat. It's that odd time of the year when I leave the house in jeans and a blazer because it's chilly and then by the time I pick everyone up from school it's 80 degrees and I cannot take the aforementioned blazer off because of the large sweat stains that may or may not be evident on the tshirt I have on underneath. (Why hello run on sentence).

So here is what I'm diggin these days:

1. Chuy's
-This may or may not be something you have experienced...but if you love Mexican and there is one where you live you must check it out. It is all kinds of Mexican delishishness all served is a crazy wacky environment. I think I overheard something about aliens hidden all over the restaurant (no, not real ones) and if you find them all you get a free t-shirt. Honestly, I think I should have gotten a free t-shirt for finishing off the "burrito as big as my head".

2. Pinterest...and more specifically Oreo cheesecake bites.
-Like I have said before I could dedicate a whole post to Pinterest, but I'll save that for a rainy day...or a day I cannot think of anything else to say...which is not very often mind you. Anyhoo, I found this easy and yummy recipe on pinterest for Oreo Cheesecake Bites. Now, I have to be honest I am not a big 'traditional' cheesecake person but I do love a good Oreo...as opposed to a bad one...which by the way I am beginning to think doesn't exist. I made these tasty little morsels to share with friends and I wasn't going to try one but today all that heat got the better of me and I decided to give it a whirl. Well, I'll tell y'all these may have converted me from cheesecake animosity to cheesecake enthusiast. (I had popped them in the freezer to firm them up and I think that made all the difference...or maybe not...nonetheless, it was a tasty cool treat)
(Btw, these aren't mine, they aren't near as pretty...but I wanted you to have a visual)

3. J. Lo
-More specifically J. Lo at Kohls. (J. Lo isn't really at Kohl's. She is probably on some yacht in the middle of the Caribbean. But her clothing is. I mean not her clothing, but the new line she created. Ok, let's be honest, she probably didn't create it, she just put her name on it. Anyway, you get my drift)
And what is even better??? I just got a 30% coupon in the mail for Kohls. Yes mam, this momma will be contributing to J. Lo's Caribbean vacation. I got my eye on a few things.
Like this:

Or this:

Or maybe even these (if I'm feeling extra sassy...and I am not having to walk far...and I have zero of three children with me):

4. The return of Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte. Enough said.

5. Ok...I can't really think of a #5 that I am loving right now.
But can I tell you something I am NOT loving?

You may ask yourself, what is that?
Well that my friends is a soggy wet diaper that came off my 14 month old at 8am this morning.
You may also ask yourself, why isn't it in the trash?
Yeah, I am asking myself the same thing.
Clearly the hubby was in charge this morning while I served my Patriotic duty...or stay-at-home mom duty, whatever suits you, by attending the monthly PTA meeting.
It's 10 feet to the garbage. Come on now. Step up.
(Who am I kidding, this is the man that was convinced the Jesus sandals were mine)

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Being a Mom is work.

Sometimes I wish I had an office door. One that I could go in and close. And "escape" for just a quick little two minute recharge. However, when you stay at home with your kids you can't do that.
Here is a sample of today:
-Up at 6:30, dress kids, feed them breakfast, wash their faces, put everyone's coats on (because we are having winter weather in September)
-Send Will out the door with Daddy
-Take Carter & Jack with me to meeting at church. Which involves dropping them off in two separate locations at church (known to some at "Six Flags over Jesus"...love my church, but it's a haul)
-Pick Carter & Jack up from opposite ends of the universe, haul tail over to school to get in carpool line to pick up Will
-Remember that I need milk
-Stop at store to get milk...and then 80 more additional dollars worth of groceries
-Run home, make 12 trips to and from car to get all said children, backpacks, coats, cups from this morning, groceries, and such inside. All while (because we stopped instead of immediately eating)all 3 said children are screaming that they're hungry.
-Then must immediately put all frozen and cold foods away...while simultaneously getting out various ingredients for a healthy lunch (hotdogs).
-Feed children, meanwhile Jack (because he took no nap at church) is screaming...
-Get all lunch plates off counter and put away before one of the various dogs roaming the house jumps up on table and pulls plate on floor
-Pick up screaming child who now needs his diaper changed, take him upstairs, change diaper, put to bed.
-Remember that hubs said to take herbie to curb as I hear the garbage truck rattle by (ooops)
-Finish cleaning up from lunch, go through backpacks, empty lunch sacks/snacks
-Look at phone and realize I've missed two calls and three texts. Sorry, I will get back to you
-For a moment I think I can sit down, but then a kid needs "assistance" in the bathroom
-Speaking of which I think I need to go to the bathroom....have I done that today??
This of course always requires an audience.
Me: "Yes, Carter we can read the pretty princess book as soon as mommy is out of the bathroom"
-Is that the doorbell???
Oh, thank you mailman, the package I was waiting on has arrived... I really hope you did not wake up the sleeping baby though or you will have to trade me places.
Wow, I could totally do that, drive around, listen to whatever I wanted on the radio, flip through the magazines that people have ordered on my lunch break (just kidding, I wouldn't do that...unless it was a really good US Weekly or Life & Style). Go to the bathroom in peace. Ahhhh, maybe I missed my calling.

I mean really, it is the hardest job. People don't lie.
But I love it. And I choose it. And I adore it.

I recently read a devotional that reflected on how much work we as moms do. How we feel like we are bogged down and pulled in 100 different directions and that no one notices what we do. However, we serve "The God Who Sees" (Gen. 16:13). Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, you are making a difference in your child's life. So I just want you to know that you are valuable in the life of your child! Keep up the good work! :)

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Who Wears These Shoes

First off I would like to say that going from 100 degrees to 50 degrees in 24 hours is not cool. Not cool at all mother nature. Actually it really is "cool". Too cool in fact.
I mean 100 degrees in September was no cup of tea either, and I know I complained, but dropping 50 degrees?!?! Really!?!?! What about a nice sunny 70 degree day?? Is that too much to ask?
Ok, so the other day the hubby walks in from one of his weekly jaunts to one of our unknown number of storage units and drops a pair of shoes on the counter, and says, "Are these yours?". Now I have several issues with this.

1. They are shoes. Do not put them on my counter. This is where I prepare loving meals of Hamburger Helper for our family.

2. Um, no honey. If you think those are mine then I am not sure you have a very good sense of my style after 9 years of marriage.

3. If those are from some ex-girlfriend of yours then a)bless her poor sweet heart I hope she found a disciple like Birkenstock wearing man, because you my friend are not her type b)I am sure she is now married with several children, one of which she has wrapped around her waist in several yards of some vintage fabric, with her hair flowing all while serving a granola type lunch to her kids (definitely not hot dogs and grilled cheese).

4. I don't really have a 4, but I mean seriously....did he really think these were mine!?!?!

Y'all, these shoes belong to someone and they sure aren't this momma.
However, I think I have come to the conclusion that they most likely belong to his mother, circa 1998....or even to the previous owner of his momma's house, circa 1986...
Which I know might come as a surprise to you. But you see, hubs doesn't want anything to go to waste.
We have family photos of the previous owner of his momma's house.
I know.
It's insane.
Now realize you can say, you knew me when....long before we showed up on that episode of hoarders.
Pray for me y'all. Please.

And if anybody needs a pair of Jesus sandals. I'm your girl. Free to good home. Size 8. Gently used.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Our Friend "Suzie"

So the other day I was sitting in the car line waiting to pick up Carter. I always enjoy these last few moments of serenity, especially on the days I don't have Jack with me. I can sit in the mini, rock out to the music I want to, browse Facebook or Twitter or read a magazine...you know, all the stuff, we as Moms, NEVER get to do.
Soon enough it was time to pick up the little people though, so I kicked the mini into high gear (aka turn the Toy Story movie back on, put down the cell phone, flip down the name tag). As the van door opened I could hear Carter already telling me about her day. It went something like this: Hi momma.Do you know we did today.We have a new friend.Her name is Suzie.She lives in a mud hut.They have holes in their walls.They use newspaper to cover the holes.They don't have annnnnnny food or annnnny water.They need money for medicine to make their hair grow.She is gonna be our friend.We are gonna pray for her.
And that was all before I even got the door completely closed.
When she got in she pulled out a tiny picture of a little girl who looked to be about 8 or so and on the back it said, "Susan". I asked her if this was her new friend. She gave me that exasperated look that she likes to give and in very dramatic fashion said, "Uh, yeah Momma, I JUST told you that. That is Suzie and we are going to pray for her".
Evidently her music teacher has a heart for the children of Africa and her class has "adopted" some of the children from a local village. They are going to correspond with each other and learn more about each other. And like Carter told me, pray for each other. I LOVE THIS.
I admit, I have not been great about praying with my kids at night, especially Carter. In the evenings things are so hectic, you know it begins with what I call the "witching" hour...trying to get dinner done, everyone fed, then on to baths, then brushing teeth, going potty, getting everything setup for the next day, reading a quick book, one more glass of water, one more trip to the potty. Quite frankly, I am just ready to turn out the light and call it a day.
So I have to thank our friend, "Suzie". Suzie has caused us to slow down a little at night, to make time for a quick prayer. Which in turn has taught us all a little more about compassion, thankfulness, and loving others. Our prayers aren't lengthy or complicated, usually they are quite simple. They also open up conversation and questions that other wise in the hustle and bustle I may brush off with the typical mom answer, "uh-huh, yes honey...".
So last night Carter tells me she is going to have sweet Suzie over for a sleepover, I kiss her head and tell her that is a great idea. Who knows if we will ever meet our Suzie. But I hope she knows that we are praying for her.
Our door is always open...and our princess sleeping bag is always available.