Giving...

I love giving.

I love helping.

I love sacrificing my time, talents, _______(fill in the blank) in order to make someones day.

Do I do this all the time?

No.

Do I try really hard to do this all year?

Yes.

Does it happen?

No. (I tend to blame the three kids, and husband...which is not a good enough excuse if you ask me)

What is about the Christmas season that really brings out the need to help others?
Is it the churches we go to, whispering in our ears that this is the season for giving?
Is it the homes we were raised in, that taught us, "tis better to give than to receive"?
Is it the realization that we are so abundantly blessed, so much so, that probably all of us can at least give something this Christmas season? Even if it's just our time!
Is it the fact that we know we are all afflicted with "stuff-itis" (me included) that we in fact NEED nothing this Christmas?

Whatever it is...it's true, this is the season for giving. And as I said before I LOVE it.

I love reading the stories, like this one of the people paying off the Christmas layaways at K-mart.

How awesome would it be to walk up to pay on your account and realize it has been COMPLETELY paid off. No strings attached! What a blessing it must be to know that it is one less thing that family has to worry about this Christmas!

I don't know all the science-y stuff behind it, but I know there is some kind of "feel good chemical" that is released into our brain when we do something for someone...
Whether it is something big like paying off a layaway account, or something small like taking a plate of cookies to a hospital waiting room...
Something about it just makes us feel good.

And I don't know about you....but I don't EVER want to lose that feeling.

And it's a feeling that I want to bottle up and pass on to my kids.
I don't want them to come down with "stuff-itis" too...although I know it is a contagious disease...an epidemic...that has infiltrated our society.

I am definitely one of those people with a servant's heart, and I want to help EVERYONE...I see the story about a woman who was killed in a house fire and I want to find out where her family is and what they need...
I hear about a mother who was killed in a car accident and I want to provide a Christmas for the kids that will take their pain away...
I hear about a family who's dad was injured and is now back in the hospital and I want to find out if a hot meal or gift card to a restaurant would ease some of the burden...

It's just the way I am wired...

I just wish I could help everyone.

But you know what? I can't.

But if I can make a difference in ONE person's life.
If I can just make ONE person's day.
If I can bring a smile to ONE person's face.
I will feel like I have made a difference.

And I would be remiss to leave out perhaps the most important reason why I feel like I need to do this.

Because I know it is what He would do.
And if anything, that little bottled up feeling that I want to pass on to my kids is wrapped in the most precious paper of all.
His love.
The love of Jesus Christ.

Why do I want to do all these things?

Because I have a Savior who has done so much for me...and there is no amount of giving that will ever measure up.
But I feel like the best thing I can do is to spread the word of His love.
To be the hands and feet of Jesus.

So this Christmas, I pray that my kids will take away more than just the presents under the tree...that they will see the love that their Father has for them and spread it around to all those who need it.

I love this song by Matthew West, I think it sums it up... Give This Christmas Away

Of mice and men...

Actually (I hope) it is is just "mouse" not mice.

Sorry to leave you hanging, but earlier in the week I mentioned we had a mouse in the house.
Yes, we also recently got rid of fleas too.
Why do I feel like we are one creature away from being on the cover of the Orkin Pest Control Christmas card?!?!

Anyhoo, I went to our bathroom a few nights ago to get ready for bed and lo and behold a small gray mouse went flying across my vanity. I suppressed the need to scream since all the children were sleeping...and there is hardly any creature that would scare me enough to scream and wake the kids. That in itself would cause pure pandemonium...

So I quickly rushed out to the living room to alert J that we had an intruder in the house! He stared at me blankly then said, "what"?!? In the most exasperated tone you could imagine...I cannot even convey it with mere words.
I then possibly choose a minor expletive followed by the word mouse. Then bathroom. And then COME NOW.
Needless to say I finally got him up off the couch and moving.

Sure enough when we arrived back on the scene the "said intruder" was behind my collection of various face washes, hairsprays, lotions, and anything else I have over there that can hide the fact I have three kids and showers don't always happen...

I told J I could not go to sleep if we didn't catch it so he headed to the garage to grab some old boxes. He was going to capture it.

Did y'all know field mice are quick?

Real quick.

Needless to say the mouse decided he had just about enough of our shenanigans and he tried to end it all by leaping to his death off the vanity counter.

I, in turn, also nearly met my maker when I tried to leap up onto the edge of the tub...
(I swear that little thing was coming after me)

I lost my footing, and ended up sprawled out in the tub like some sort of circus act gone bad.
It wasn't pretty.

It turns out the mouse ran for the safety of the linen closet. I mean where else would ya go when very large humans are after you...

J declared he was no match for the mouse so we stuffed an old bath towel under the crack of the door and I prayed to the big Guy that the little furry guy would stay in there for the night.
I slept with one eye open.
And let the record stand, I never thought a bath towel would prevent the little varmint from escaping.

But alas, it did.

So the next day I head to the local Lowe's in hunt of semi-automatic weapon in order to take this guy out. I was lured to the traps with the words "KILLS INSTANTLY". But alas, J has heart for animals.

(Which again, I know I say this a lot, but is another post entirely. Like when he nearly gave us all whiplash because he was avoiding hitting the wooly worms in the neighborhood... Or the time we rescued a baby bunny and I told him to let it go, but he took it up to the office and left him in a box to supposedly let go the next day. Well, the rabbit got out over night and they had to hunt all over the office for him the next day.)

So I bought 12 dozen of the "live traps" and was ready to go into battle.
Ok, really I just bought 2.
But I wanted to buy 12 dozen, to be certain we got him.

That afternoon we placed the trap...and to make a long story short, we had him captured by the next evening.
(I think he was leery of the gourmet cheese I laid out for him.
We had just hosted a Christmas party so the only cheese I had in the house was Gruyere cheese.)

So I am thinking to myself, all right, let's take him out to the field and dump him.
Oh, noooooooo!
Dr. Doolittle had other plans.
I had to clean out one section of the hamster cage so that we could gingerly place him in there, keep him until morning (we wouldn't want to put him out at night, that wouldn't be safe), and then set him free into this big bad world.

Well, I had news for Dr. D, ain't no way I am keepin that thing in the house one more night.
So you know what he did?!?!
He put it in the hamster cage, then put the hamster cage in a box, then put that box in another box. And then put him in his car.

I thought to myself, now who's the animal killer??? He's going to suffocate. But I didn't say anything.

And to sum it up...next morning: mouse still alive, kids got to see him, he drove it to some remote field and let it go.

Where 5 minutes later a hawk probably ate it.

(But we won't tell him that)

Picture-y Post

I have several things I want to share today.
I noticed I have quite the backlog of pictures and I figured they could do a good job of showing what we've been up to.

First off, we are all decorated for Christmas! Now as I have mentioned before, we might STILL be decorated for Christmas in July. But hey, that just means when Thanksgiving rolls around next year we will be done!

O' Christmas Tree...
Which I must admit, I had help with. My amazingly talented friend Heather assisted... She had me buy two dozen lights to add to the "pre-lit-ness"...if I had been calling the shots we woulda just gone with the half lit tree.


And the stockings were hung by the chimney with care...not by momma...Heather did this too. See, on the talent front again, she can just look at a pile of tinsel and stuffed snowmen and make it into something pretty. Me? Not so much.


And the other mantle...I will save you the explanation. I had help. Again.


And here are a few other little decorative touches....




We hosted a little Christmas soiree the other night and I tried a few new recipes...thought I'd share the links in case you too had a soiree of your own that you might need a yummy appetizer for!


Phyllo Wrapped Asparagus These were a HUGE hit, I followed the recipe, but also wrapped a small piece of Havarti in there as well!

Mac And Cheese Cups...I wish I had taken a picture, I was quite proud of these...and they were YUMMY! The kids LOVED having them as leftovers the next day! (**I did 2 cups cheddar cheese and one cup mozerella)

I also made a little potato dish, that on paper sounded fabulous...however, it was not a hit, at least in my book. I'll spare you the details!

For dessert I made red velvet cheesecake brownies. Again, no picture.
I made two batches of the icing.
Because I ate the first.
My guests are lucky they got any at all! :)

Finally...I have been doing a little baking. Again, I have a few recipes and one dud.



Peanut Butter Fudge
I use the Jet Puffed marshmallow creme recipe. Substitute the chocolate chips for PB chips...and I never add nuts. Totally ruins it for me.



Hershey's Candy Cane Blossoms
Super easy! And I think you could even use the pre-made cookie dough to save yourself the time, measuring, flour mess, and sanity...

And now for the dud...again, on paper it sounded fabulous. In reality. Not so much.
Pre-baking they looked good...


After baking...


Fail.

And finally, I will leave you with this...
The kids were playing the other day and broke a vase sort of thing I had on an end table.
After resisting giving them a good 'ol fashioned beating I calmed myself and decided to try to salvage the vase.

I contemplated my options and settled on good 'ol super glue.

Luckily it was just in two pieces and so I figured I could totally handle the task.

I diligently applied the glue. And easily pressed the two pieces together.
I did not have a lot of time so I got two pieces of masking tape and put them on either side for a little reinforcement while it dried.
I then sat it on a table in our laundry room.
After an hour or so I figured the super glue had been super and done it's job.

Wellllll, it had been super all right.
Here is where I set it to dry:


And this is where it shall forever remain.

Yep.
It's stuck.
Like glue.

Well, I now must leave you to go check a mouse trap.
More on that later.
It's a post in itself.

Christmas christmas...time is here...

...in 19 days to be exact.

And I have one gift purchased.

One.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE giving gifts.

I HATE HATE HATE shopping for them.

I wish I could be one of those savvy people who go online and save all this money and buy their gifts free of the hassle of the shopping mall.

Who are these people?!

I went on Amazon...because I was feeling brave...or perhaps more accurately because I was feeling too lazy to fight the crazies that come out of the woodwork this time of year.
Well, I picked Amazon because I hear it's name thrown around all the time, FB statuses mentioning how Amazon boxes are lining up on people's porches, or how Amazon takes over their credit card statement, or how they are wrapping presents at Amazon...

Which, speaking of lazy, brings me to a whole other point. Why pay the extra to get the gift wrapped?!?! It's like 3.50 to have the gift wrapped!
Did y'all know you can get a whole roll of wrapping paper at Hobby Lobby for $3.50...and maybe less, because let's be honest, if it's not 50% off this week, it will be next week!

So anyway, where was I...

Amazon. Yes.

I went online to shop and I did a simple search of a DS game I knew Will wanted. Well, it came up with about 12 prices...
There was the "new" price.
The "used" price.
The "Buddy's Electronic Superstore" price.
Along with about 5 other ones...

Well, what the heck?!? I guess you just pick the price you like.
I resisted choosing the "used" even though at 6, Will could care less.
I choose the second best option, Buddy's price.

Fast forward to me putting about 12 other things in my online cart and I get to checkout.

Well, the other thing that always amazes me is that shipping doesn't deter more folks from this whole online shopping thing. Don't get me wrong $12.95 for shipping is probably worth dodging the rednecks in the shopping mall parking lot...but still...it's the principle. I cannot pay 20 bucks for something that causes 12 bucks to ship.

I'm cheap.
What can I say.

(*sidenote: when Elliott, our elf, toilet papered the bathroom I rolled the whole thing back on there the next day. Granted, it was about 12x bigger than when it was originally on there, but hey, I am not wasting a roll of Charmin! Plus, the hubby makes me buy the expensive "aloe" toilet paper...don't get me started...that's a post for a whole other time...)

So I get to checkout and half the items are not even coming from Amazon..and of course those items don't include the FREE shipping...and my order is going to come in about a dozen different shipments...on a dozen different days...one of which may be after Christmas.

So you know what I did?

I cancelled the order.

I think I will just take on the shopping mall.

And curse about it later.

At least I still have 19 more days.

Playing Catch Up...

So, I have clearly failed in the bloggy department lately. I am sure you are highly disappointed and you aren't sure what to do with all of your time now that you haven't had any riveting updates from yours truly...
Or perhaps what you are really thinking is, oh wow, I had forgotten about you, you never updated...you are yet a whisper in the wind to me...what's your name again?!?!
To tell you the truth I had thought many times about updating but things have been a bit CUH-razy 'round these parts.
You see, I want this blog to be fun, light, humorous snapshots at our daily life...
And I feel like lately those times are few and far between.
You see, around here we are under what we call the throws of parenting our very "spirited" 4 year-old daughter. She is testing us.
And I am afraid right now we are failing.
There are moments where I think to myself, you know if Steven Spielberg had needed someone to model Linda Blair after he should have come here.
Ok, I kid.
Sort of.
Seriously though, I have considered googling witch doctors, calling them up and having them come pull the evil spirits right out of this child...
Momma is at the end of her rope.
Barely hanging on.
By the little tiny frays you find at the end.
With two fingers.

In all seriousness though, I thought that about the blog.
You know, making it happy, and cheerful, and full of fun.
But then I realized, that's not real life.
No one's real life is all sunshine and roses.

However, my personality is that way and I despise the fact this is dragging me down...
So, after three cups of the most wonderful coffee this season, some time with Jesus, and some great advice from so many friends and family I have come to this conclusion...

This is life.

If it were easy then what kind of people would we be. You know what they say, whatever doesn't kill us will make us stronger.

So I look at it this way... If I live to tell about raising my sweet spirited child then I will most likely also be able to win the World Strong Woman competition. I'm not sure there even is a World Strong Woman competition...but I feel certain I could at least flip a few of those really large tractor tires.

So, I am going to keep praying, keep reading my Dr. Dobson, re-read my "Power of a Praying Parent", try to refrain from dangling her by her toes from the balcony (again, I kid. Sort of.), and just love on her as God instructed me to do. Because you know what, this parenting thing ain't easy, it ain't pretty, and there is no instruction book...
But there is one thing I know... He picked me to be her parent. He knew that I could handle it. And He knew that I would be tested. And most of all, I will always love her just like He loves me.

Ok....I wanted to end it right there...but y'all know I can't resist a little fun with the hubby. Many of you know about his love of keeping things...my nice way of saying, "yes, we will be on Hoarders one day"....

Well, I was straightening up the basement for the MIL to come in town a few weeks ago...
This basically consisted of moving all of his junk off her bed and into the closet and I came across this tee shirt.


I do not know why he has this still...
Who am I kidding...I don't know why he still has 99% of the stuff he still has.
But this shirt made me laugh.
I can see him wearing this while he plays hoops at whatever the cool place to play ball was in the small Kentucky town he grew up in...
I am certain it was worn with a very short pair of basketball shorts, some very tall socks, and some Air Jordans.
I will say this though.
The boy had moves.
Or at least that's what I hear.
He has since retired...two achilles tendon tears later...
The only league I am letting him play in now is the old man church league.
(I told him it was time to hang up the Air Jordans)

And with that I am off...I will try my best not to leave you in suspense for so long next time...
Have a happy weekend y'all!

Blue Light Special...

Ok, so I realized I have neglected the hotdogs and grilled cheese for a week...ok, not the actual hotdogs and grilled cheese.
Who am I kidding.
That's what we had for lunch.
And dinner.
At least three of the last four nights.
I have picky children.
What can I say.

It might be that I am just now recovering from my trip to the Fayette Mall with all 5 kiddos in tow. I am still having flashbacks from briefly losing two of the five in the depths of the food court...somewhere between Chick-Fil-A and Chao Cajun.

Anyhoo, we are in full decorating mode over here! I have a good friend who is a super talented decorator and she has assisted in my endeavor in making the house look cheery and bright! (pictures coming soon)

As y'all know...the tree just came down July 10th. It is now going back up. That means it will have been up 34 weeks in the year 2011. Is that some kind of record?!?!
I will now begin taking bets on when it might come down...

Speaking of decorating...I ran a few little errands today in search of some things I needed to complete the decor. Somehow I ended up on Nicholasville Road by Kmart.
Now, I have to say I probably haven't stepped foot in a Kmart for, oh, I don't know...10 years?!?
I think it is because Kmart always looks so sketchy...it's kinda dark at the entrance (I think they are using the 40w bulbs), there are never many cars, there is an occasional cop car in the parking lot (as there was today), and most of all it's virtually empty in the store.
I don't mean shoppers either.
I mean employees.
It's like you are in there alone.
And at any minute a masked man is going to run into the store.
And then a scary voice will come over the intercom and instruct everyone to the backroom.
And then you will be forced into a tiny back office by two men in ski masks where you will have to abandon your cart full of Jaclyn Smith clothing and Martha Stewart Christmas decor.
I really don't know where the fear of Kmart comes from...
But I'm tellin' ya there is something about it that screams "holdup".

Thankfully I made it out alive...and I even got a few good deals in the process.
And I am now a "frequent shopper" card holder.

On a non-crime related note I am volunteering Friday night at our church for an amazing event called Jesus Prom.
I am SO SO excited...I have wanted to do this for a long time, and I finally managed to get myself signed up.
It is an amazing ministry at our church...we basically host a HUGE prom for physically and/or mentally handicapped adults. It is based on the parable in Luke 14:12-14. That says, when you give a banquet, Jesus said, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind and you will be blessed. These people are completely incapable of paying a host back.

I love this.
There is something so wonderful...at least to me when you give of yourself.

I love being a part of something so amazing...I am blessed with THREE beautiful, healthy, happy children. I am humbled that He choose me to be their mother and there is not a day that goes by that I do not thank him for that. But even if they weren't "perfect" I would love them no less. They are my children.
I pray that they can see the good deeds of others and also have a servant's heart. I try my best to set an example for them, I pray that they take note and will grow to be loving and kind and giving...
I love the message's version of James 1:22-24: Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.

So friends, go out...do a good deed, help out a friend, give of yourself.
You too will be blessed.
I promise!

Hope y'all have a great Wednesday...until next time....

The day in which I went to the mall...with 5 kids. By myself.

So I just needed to pop an aspirin to write this post.
Not really.
But I could use a stiff drink.
And it's not even 2pm.

You might ask yourself, "Self, why on God's green earth would this woman go the mall...with 5 kids...on a day most of the public schools of the state are out of session?".

Well, yeah, I am asking myself the same thing.

I have a sister, a much younger one at that (my poor father), and I had promised her a shopping trip for her birthday.

I also have a son, who is 6 who I had promised could have his best big boy buddy over on his next day off school (today).

I also have an additional 4 year old and 16 month old myself.

Now I was never any good at math, but I am pretty certain that adds up to 5 crazy kids. And one even crazier momma.

On top of that I have noticed that all the surrounding counties have descended upon the Fayette mall...as in let's get our Christmas shopping on in the big city folks!

So needless to say, we tackled the food court, more specifically Chickfila... Then we moved on to Hollister.

Let's talk about Hollister for a moment shall we.

I thought I was dreading the day my daughter wants to shop at Justice. I think I have decided Hollister may be worse...
What's with that place!?! It's so dark. Yet so expensive.
You would think with the fact they don't turn any lights on it would be much cheaper. Look, you are saving on the electricity bill...therefore a mere tank top fit for a miniature size person should not be forty dollars!
And while I am on that subject...the xs there...I am pretty sure my 4 year-old could wear that now.
So see, not only are you dimming the lights and saving electricity, the clothes have a minuscule amount of fabric...

Anyhoo, I have a very responsible and respectable little sister...clearly she is being raised right because she picked out two very cute sweaters to add to her wardrobe.

Then we breezed through a couple more stores in search of the perfect scarf. Every girl needs one of those this season! ;)

We managed to only loose the big boys once.
(who knew it took 20 minutes for two boys to go the bathroom!!?!?)
(I seriously considered having them paged...)
(But alas, they came back to us...)

We wrapped up with the 5 for 5.95 cookie deal and all was right with the world.

Until I looked in the back on the way home and Jack was gnawing on a stale french fry...pretty sure that was from our Sonic drive-thru trip 3 days ago.

I need a nap.
In a bad way.
Today I was like Michelle Duggar, minus 14 children, and I'm not pregnant...and I am fairly certain she wouldn't wrap up the evening with a stiff drink.

On a side note...see the Hollister bag. Shame.
And evidently this one was "better" than the last one she got...where the boy was taking off his pants.
Oh my heavens.
I hope we can shop at Gymboree for many more years to come.
Think I can still put matching shoes, headband, & tights on her at 12?!
Who am I kidding.
I can't even get clothes on her at all these days.

A Random Rainy Day List...

...it's raining.
A cold rain at that.
Something tells me I need a nap.
Honestly, I don't have much to say (or at least that's what I am thinking....20 words into this post)

So in honor of my lack of information I give you a list of useless information.

1. I did the new update on my iphone. I am usually terrible at those updates because it would involve actually plugging my phone into the computer, and leaving it alone for a full 5 minutes. I mean, you get that warning that says "sync in progress"...I don't want to mess with syncing...it sounds serious. Anyway, I am all up to date now. Not sure what that means except that I am certain my phone may be a little faster now. Or maybe it's all in my head?

2. I have successfully picked out all of the good candy in the kids Halloween bags.
I wonder if my parents did that to mine? Mom? Dad?
I woulda been so mad.
Plus, they had me convinced they didn't eat candy because it would "rot your teeth outta your head"....pretty certain I have used that line on my kids. And I am definitely eating their candy.
However, I am certain that you all will think I'm crazy because I was not pleased with my kids loot...it was ALL candy bars... I mean, where are the sweet tarts, gummy candy, starbursts, and skittles... It seems we have a truckload of mini Snickers.
Boo!
And I don't mean that in the Halloween spooky greeting kinda way...

3. Did y'all realize it is almost time to put the tree up again? Is it me or did we just take it down?
Oh wait, yes, we did just take the tree down.

4. I just remembered I started something last week called "Ten Things Tuesday"...that didn't last long did it?? I'll try and work on that...in the meantime consider this your consolation prize.

5. I admire single parents. I do. I mean I really do. The hubs has been traveling a LOT lately... I try and give him grief about things like, oh, I don't know, leaving the tree up until August. But hands down he is a WONDERFUL father. My kids are blessed that where I lack in patience he makes up for it. For instance we are in this phase that goes something like this...
Momma, why is the sky blue?
Momma, why is the guy on TV wearing a red shirt?
Momma, what was the name of the mascot for Central Michigan, that team UK actually beat?
And what was the score of that game?
Momma, what was the name of the pink fairy on Tinkerbell and the great fairy rescue? And the yellow one?
Momma, what is the name of the teacup boy on the Belle movie? And why is his name Chip?

You get the picture.

Well, these questions usually all come at 8:30 at night.
At bedtime.
Momma is tired.

So my answer is usually some irritated version of, "I don't knooooowwww. Why do you ask so may questions?!?!"

I can't tell you how many times I have come out their rooms, even though I am "so tired" to get on the computer and I see google, wikipedia, or what have you and it's pulled up with a question on there like, "Why are there rings on Saturn?".

Bless his heart. He wants to give them an answer. I just want to go to bed.

So daddy, please come home soon...we have a whole list of questions waiting on you.

Happy Thursday y'all!

Happy Halloweenie!

Ahhhh yes, it is that time of year again.
Time to get all the kiddos dressed and out the door in order to fill them with sugar just before bedtime.
On a school night.
Who makes these decisions?!!
What's wrong with doing this on the Friday before Halloween??

Anyhoo, it appears we have an 11th hour decision here in the house...
(which btw, why is it called 11th hour?? Why wouldn't it be 23rd hour?? As in the last hour in the day??)
It appears Carter has had a change of heart, she no longer wants to be Batgirl.
She wants to be a purple fairy.
Really!?!?!
I can't even fake a purple fairy at this point!
We are at the 23rd hour kid!

Not to mention I cannot walk.
Really, I can't.
You see there was this 5K back on Saturday.
And you must also see that I am NOT, I repeat NOT a runner.
However, no one wants to appear like the weak link in their group so I did do a little running intermixed with brisk walking.
And let me tell you...
I. am. paying. for. it.

It started with my hips...moved down to my knees...and now I have the shin splints straight from Hades.
Last night I took a hot bath, rubbed myself down with Icy Hot, put a heating pad on my back and iced my knees.
Pretty sure my hubby thinks I'm a wimp.
Perhaps I should go as great Aunt Edna for Halloween.
Someone get me a walker!

(I think the Icy Hot fumes are getting to me....)




Speaking of fumes, I think the exterminator fumes may be SLOWLY working...
I have set up some homemade flea traps and our numbers are beginning to dwindle...
Let's just hope the fleas don't outlive Kim Kardashian's marriage.
72 days is just too long to live with fleas.

Happy Halloween...hope it's full of treats and not tricks!

Ten Things Tuesday...

I can't sleep.
It is an odd phenomenon that has overtaken me lately.
You see...I LOVE sleep.
No, really, I LOVE sleep.
But I can't shake the feeling lately when I lay down that there are bugs jumping around everywhere...I start scratching and can't stop...
(one day I hope to post again without the mention of any insects...I am certain that day is coming. It's just not here yet)

So in honor of my lack of sleep I am starting a new post called "Ten Things Tuesday". I would be remiss if I didn't think that "Ten Things Tuesday" may not last. I hate to commit to an every week post because let's face it. Life happens. There are kids, dogs, husbands, fleas... This could be a one time post or it could it turn into "Ten Things Friday", which doesn't exactly have the same ring to it. Anyhoo, let's give it a go.

Today's "Ten Things Tuesday" post: Fall Fashion

1.

The poncho.

A staple for every Fall wardrobe. Plus it looks so cozy.

2.

The brown riding boot.

I am STILL searching for the perfect pair. My sister has these and she loves them. Can't beat the price either!

3.

Cute Peacoat.

Love this. So cute. Love the ruffle detail. The color. Just adorable!

4.

The Fur Vest.

Now, I don't know that I could pull off this look...for a number of reasons. First off, the whole flea issue...this appears to be a flea magnet if you ask me. However, it's a Rachel Zoe pick....and I LOVE her. Plus, it's kind of quirky and different...but that's also why I love it.

5.

Cute Flat.

You can't beat a cute flat...especially when carting around numerous children. Love the color and I'm a sucker for the animal prints....

6.

The Ruana.

Yeah. I didn't know what a ruana was either. I had to consult with google. Basically it's a glorified poncho. Or according to wikipedia it is a poncho in most Spanish speaking countries and worldwide but it's a ruana in cold regions of Columbia and Venezuela. (You learn all kinds of things these days....)

7.
And we are back to the brown boot.

I really just need to commit. I have so many saved on pinterest. I seriously have commitment issues...with brown boots.

8.

The Infinity Scarf.

I am seeing these everywhere. A good scarf is a must. And what better than one that is infinite. And in animal print.

9.

Soiree Studs.

I am not sure why this picture is so small. But if you squint you can make them out.
Or save yourself the trouble and just click on the link.
These aren't necessarily a Fall trend...but I LOVE these. I have them and I wear them everyday. They are perfect for dressing up or down. I am such a sucker for Stella & Dot...

10.

Fun Nail Color.

I have never been able to pull off nail color. I think it comes from never having nails that grow... And now of course I wash my hands a billion times a day, change diapers, and do all sorts of other mommy duties that would cause this polish to last...oh, let's say....5 minutes. Plus, I CANNOT paint my own nails. I am not sure how people do it. I can get my left hand looking pretty good, but the right hand....well, it looks like I let my 16 month-old paint them.

That about wraps it up folks.
Happy shopping.
I am off to bed.

I'm back!

Hey y'all! I'm back!
I survived the trip to Charleston...the 9 hour drive and all the mayhem that is taking a "vacation" with three little people under the age of six. We all know it is no vaca, but more of an undertaking.

However, I am pleased to say, we actually had a great time! We frolicked in the ocean, went to the pumpkin patch, did a little shopping, did LOTS of eating...and got to "sleep in" (aka 7:30 instead of 7am...I'll take what I can get)

Well, needless to say there was LOTS going on at home while we were away.
Let's just say while the people are away, the fleas will play.
The fact is I think the fleas had an all out par-tay.
I am not sure who made the comment about rabbits and the ahem, shall we say..."reproducing" that they do...but they had it all wrong.
I am pretty certain the fleas turned on some Barry White, dimmed the lights, and had a little fun.
Did you know a flea can lay up to 50 eggs a day?!?!
Yeah, me either.
We were gone 6 days.

So, needless to say, here I sit waiting on the professional. I thought I could handle the fleas. But alas, I am at my mercy. I can not take it any longer. I am tempted to torch the house. Probably not the best idea.

I have vacuumed the entire house.
12 times.
Since yesterday.
All the small objects (non-furniture) are up off the floors.
The closets are cleaned out.
There is nothing under any of the beds.
The bedding has all been removed and bleached.
Twice.
The floors have been mopped.
The food has been covered, removed, stored, etc...
The pets are still being boarded.
Let's just say if this doesn't work you may have to come visit me at the mental institute.

Speaking of institution...I had to go to the local Apple store while we were on vaca...I loathe that place. It also causes me angst that I feel like may lead me to be carted off to the looney bin.

I don't know what it is.
The blue shirts.
The people that work there speaking in intelligent Apple like sentences.
The people who come in and just hang out at those high top tables...what are they doing there anyway?!?!
The fact you have to make an appointment to be seen there. I mean come on...you aren't a doctor's office. Although I have certainly waited there for long periods of time just like at a doctor's office.

Anyhoo...the phone died. I needed a phone. So I had to suck it up and make my appointment.

The Apple store down there is in downtown so I am not as familiar with my way around. I did finally find it though and get situated in a parking garage a few blocks away.
I hustled the kids out of the car to get in there because the nice man on the phone told me if I didn't get there within 6 minutes of my appointment I would lose my place.
(6 minutes...really?!?! Why 6? That seems like an odd number to me....why not an even 10...I mean people run into issues, esp when coming from out of town...)

On the way in it was raining and I had flip flops on.
I don't know what it is about my old navy flip flops but they turn into ice skates in the rain.
I slipped on the sidewalk and got a big gash on my foot...and nearly dropped my youngest child.
Finally we found the Apple store and got in just as our sixth minute approached.
I hobbled in bleeding, checked in and asked for band aid.
After waiting a sweet eternity it turns out all I had to do was push the home screen button twice on my phone, close all the apps and voila it was fixed.
Seriously!?!
And this is why I am not Steve Jobs.
God rest his soul.

When we left the store I hung a left to head back to the parking garage.
Only I couldn't find the parking garage.
We circled the block 5 times.
I could NOT find the parking garage.
It was as if it had disappeared.
(note: this is probably why I should be committed...because I believed that I was going crazy...the parking garage had vanished!)

Needless to say after circling the block numerous times, dragging my poor kids with me, and making a detour into a CVS and bribing them with candy to persevere and push forward we made it to the parking garage...

I have no idea. It's as if it just magically appeared.

We got back onto the interstate to meet my MIL at the outlet mall north of downtown.

I am sure you won't be surprised when I tell you I was so flustered I looked up and we were headed south, to Savannah...

It was just that kind of day.

Many more vacation stories to come I'm sure...

If I am not institutionalized before then.

Have a wonderful Monday.

Diggin' For Gold...

...not "diggin' for gold" like my 3 year-old would do.

Or "diggin' for gold" like Heather Mills (aka Paul McCartney) or the latest housewife of who knows where.

Literally digging for gold.

And when I say digging.
I mean digging.
I just need one of those metal detectors with the annoying "beep" sound.
Isn't it great when you are laying on the beach, trying to get your dose of vitamin D and one of those random beach gold digger people sends their little metal detector over near your head. Between that and the squawking of the birds that the kids next to you are enticing with their goldfish... I mean seriously... What do these people think this is?!! A beach?? A free world!?? Say what??




Anyway. Re-focus.

So ya know the hubs and his "collecting"???
That's my affectionate term for hoarding...I just know A&E is gonna show up one day and feature us on an episode....
Well, he really doesn't throw ANYTHING away. So I was trying to do a little "investigating"...aka digging for gold.
I ventured into the deep dark depths of our storage area.
I thought about tying a rope around my waist and having the kids pull me out if I got stuck.
I assured them Mommy was going to be OK though and if I wasn't out by the end of their episode of Good Luck Charlie then call the authorities!

You are probably wondering why I felt the need to put myself in such grave danger in searching for gold.
You see I stare danger in the face.
I battle it full on.
No box of 1982 Sports Illustrated or tote full of Legos circa 1985 can stop me!

Truthfully, I have been invited to a gold party.

No, not the type where they hand out gold bricks. I am still waiting on that invite.

It's a party where you can bring your old gold and silver and such and make money.
Now I am with you Aunt Edna, it does sound sketchy...
If I show up and we are lead to a back room and there is a black curtain and I am frisked by a guy named "Big Hoss" on my way in I may think twice about hocking the gold herringbones...

Which reminds me. That is what I was digging for. The hubs was known to sport some serious herringbones in his time. I mean circa 1990, turtleneck, button down v-neck sweater, peg rolled acid wash jeans, complete with herringbone chain.

Life doesn't get any sweeter. Or sexier.

He's lucky I met him AFTER that phase. Or I guess it's me that's lucky.

Anywho, we'll see how all this goes. I mean it has to be better than those infomercial type deals you see on TV where you mail your gold off to who knows where and they CLAIM they'll send you what it's worth. I had a girlfriend tell me she made 12cents. Hmmmm. Someone is getting the short end of the stick on that deal.



In the meantime...like I said...If I go in here and don't come out. Y'all know where to find me.
That is if you can find me.
Just look past the 26 totes of Christmas.
The box of the stuff belonging to the lady that used to live in the house before his Mom 15 years ago.
I might be right underneath the box containing the "1 of 6, 2 of 6, 3 of 6...etc" collector's cans of Planter's peanuts.
Again, I kid.
Sort of.
OK, not really.
Just call A & E now.

Road Trippin'

I don't have a lot for ya today...or that's what I say now. We'll see if I reach the 1000 character point...I've been known to ramble.

First off, let me say y'all need to pray for me. I know I just asked for prayer for the dentist but this is a close second.
I am taking a 9 HOUR car trip with all 3 kiddos and the hub's grandparents.
You see, this could be disastrous on a number of levels...

Take for instance Jack's disdain for the carseat. It's as if I am placing him in some sort of torture trap...the screaming begins as soon as I place him in there, then I must wrestle him as he slithers and wiggles until I can get him harnessed in. I mean really, what is it with the carseat?!? It's not a bad thing kid! It keeps ya safe! Now consider he'll be riding in there for 9 HOURS.
My plan is to just keep pitchin' food back there...

Secondly, let's talk about the DVD player. Y'all know that when the kids watch the DVDs you must LISTEN to the DVDs. I could possibly remain semi-sane if I wasn't forced to listen to Dora, Scooby, and the ultimate whiner, Caliou for 9 HOURS.
Hmmm...wonder if I can wear earpbuds and use the ipod?
"I'm sorry officer, it is much safer for the other motorists on the road if I listen to this than if I am forced to hear the Wonder Pets theme song again..."

Then there is this.
Now don't get me wrong...I adore the hubs grandma.
Love her.
However...she REALLY REALLY likes her Estee Lauder "Beautiful" perfume. I mean REALLY likes it. And let me tell ya...my allergies?? They really REALLY DO NOT like it. I think I may have to implement a windows open clause for the first hour or so, as to air the mini out. Otherwise I may be wearing earbuds and a gas mask.
I kid.
Sort of.

So needless to say...as always...it should be an adventure!

In other news Jack has this strange thing about pointing to all men and saying, "Dada".
This can make for awkward times in Walmart.
No sir, he's not yours. Don't worry.

And then there is Carter...
She is learning Spanish at school.
She believes all people who may look slightly different than her speak Spanish.
Case in point: We were at the ballpark the other day and a woman of Asian decent walked by. Carter looks at me and says, "Look mama, we should speak Spanish to her". Loudly.
As she points at her.

More awkward times.

And I thought the only awkward stage was middle school.
Apparently not.

Happy Tuesday...may your day be free of embarrassment!

Sometimes my coffee makes me feel like superwoman...

So, call me crazy...but sometimes when I have my cup of coffee in the morning I feel like a superhero. Like I can accomplish anything. Do ya'll get that? Or is it just me...and maybe the fact I can finally breathe out of my left nostril. Btw, nostril is one of those words that I could do without...

Let me warn you now...I have a feeling this is one of those posts where I ramble on about nothing... Consider yourself warned.

So we are in the midst of Fall break over here...not sure who started this whole fall break thing...I mean when I was a kid we didn't have fall break...we walked to school, in the snow, uphill both ways...
Evidently my kids didn't get the memo.
It's fall break.
You sleep late.
You don't wake up before 7, jump on my bed, and demand fruit loops and juice...embrace your break children, love it, don't resist the temptation to sleep until 9.
Who am I kidding?

In other unrelated news...the fleas.
Oh the fleas.
I broke open the box to do the fogger treatment and it seemed a tad complicated. Something about turning off pilot lights, taping up windows, moving furniture off the carpet. Ohmaword. The complicated-ness of it all. It overwhelms me. Even in my coffee superhero state.

So I did what any sane person would do.
I called the professionals.
So fleas be warned, the pest man has your number.
Your days are numbered.

Speaking of pests...there are these people who call my land line all the time. Now it's funny that we even have a land line. The ringer is NEVER on. The machine fills up constantly so if you do call and I haven't deleted the inbox there is no way to leave us a message. And I am pretty certain the actual cordless phone (ya'll remember those right???) that goes on the dock is missing...I let Jack play with it one day in a moment of desperation and I haven't seen it since. What did we do before cell phones?? I could spend days on that topic.

So anyway, I decided I'd clear off the machine and make room for all those people who call us on our landline.
Well, one would think we don't even own the landline because ALL THE MESSAGES WERE FOR SOMEONE ELSE!
I'm going to call her Pamela Smith to protect her identity...because you know one of the three people that read my blog may know the real person...
It is some crazy automated man and sometimes woman who sounds very angry that Pamela is not calling them back. They always use big fancy words, like "arbitrary matter", "grave situation", "imperative that you call us back"...etc etc...
So I don't know where Pam is but she should know David Wells and Debra Stevens are NOT happy with her.

See...rambling...

I'll end on the fact we are having what the weather peeps are calling an Indian Summer... I LOVE it. LOVE it.
It does make wardrobe choices a tad difficult.
The 40 degree drop over the course of 12 hours is always tricky.
Layering is the key.
Cardi over the tee in the morning. Lose the cardi in the afternoon when it hits 80. Then back to the cardi when the sun goes down.
Now on particularly warm days it would be nice to have those zip away pants.
Pants in the morning.
Zip off the legs in the afternoon.
Zip on the legs in the evening.

Something tells me those aren't the best fashion choice though. I think one has to shop out of Cabela's catalog or the likes to wear that sort of thing. Not to knock Cabela's...I'm just not the outdoorsy type.
Camping...not my thing.
Camping at the Hyatt with room service....right down my alley.

Once again....thank you for reading this far. I'm going to go refill my coffee and adjust my superhero cape.

Rambles about wasps....and stings....and hypochondriacs...

So if you know my hubs at all... Or if you have ever heard me talk about him you would know he can be a wee bit of a hypochondriac.

I mean his grandma can come to visit and then come down with shingles a week later and his mom has to secretly call me to tell me.
You see, if he were to find out she had broke out with a case of the shingles then he would start itching and would have "mysterious" red welts, and he'd be surfing webMD.com and any other valuable source of information that can indeed confirm to him that he too, although he wasn't even home when she visited has come down with a case of shingles.

Every headache could mean it's a grapefruit size tumor growing in his head, any sting of pain on the right side could be his appendix about to burst, he stubs his toe and he's certain it's broken and will need plates and screws in order for it to fully operate as a normal toe again.

I mean don't get me wrong, I'm sympathetic and all. I mean I am, er, I was at one time a nurse. I am used to carrying for the sick and wounded.
Ok, really, I'm not.
I can't lie to you...I was a baby nurse. A well baby nurse. It was the best kind of patient. They couldn't talk, they had at least a dozen people there that REALLY wanted to care for them and they always left the hospital in 24-72 hours. It was the only reason I went into nursing.

So anyway...the hubby decided the night before last he was going to go spray some sort of insect repellent into the wasp nests outside our house. We have several. Something about living out here in the country really draws the bugs to us. I might need to reevaluate this country livin'.

So I tell him he better be careful and he better cover-up...and most importantly hurry up AND DON'T GET STUNG. I had a full night of TV before me...DWTS and Castle... I couldn't be interrupted if he were to get stung.

You see, rewind to a few summers ago and hubs decides to FINALLY take the plastic off the outside of our basement windows. Yes, it had been there since we moved in the house, but you know we don't exactly move quickly around here.

Anyhoo, I wasn't home, he was home with the kids and he goes out to rip the plastic off the windows...well apparently the wasps didn't want us messing with that plastic...and the hubs gets a few stings in the head.

So I'm driving along on my way home chatting up my mom on the cellphone and he beeps in. I tell her to hold on and I click over...he says, "ya gotta come home right now, I've been stung".

I tell him I'm on my way.

So I click back over to my mom and tell her he is totally exaggerating and he says I have to come home RIGHT AWAY. Well, I am not a few more minutes down the road and he calls AGAIN. I tell my mom to hold on, I think I may or may not have said, "please hold, the hypochondriac is buzzing in again".

He asks where I am, I tell him I'm three minutes closer than I was three minutes ago when he called.
He sounds desperate.
So I say go to the ER, I'll be home in two minutes, put the kids in front of the TV, they'll be fine.

So I click BACK over to Mom and I tell her I guess I better hustle home, hubs is about to have a panic attack over a couple bee stings.

I pass the hubs at the front of the neighborhood and I have to admit he does look a little pasty. Perhaps a little puffy too.

Wellllll, wouldn't you know I get a call from the ER doc about 30 minutes later that says to come up there, the hubs is going to be fine but he'll need a ride home. When I get there they tell me how his B/P dropped and how he had a severe allergic reaction. They also told him he should NOT have driven himself.
Oooops.

So now the hubs has an epi pen. I told him he better stay in line. I am a nurse. I know how to use that thing.

Oh, and the other night he chickened out. Something about it being dusk and the wasps were all back in the nest. Didn't want to take any chances.

Well, it's a good thing, cause Momma had some TV she wanted to watch. I can't be bothered by driving you to the ER because you stirred up the wasp nest.

Thank you for reading this far.
I'm at an all time low telling ya'll about a story from 3 years ago.
I blame it on the Nyquil.
And the fact I can only breathe out one nostril.
And that I had to go back to the dentist today.
And that I went to the endodontist yesterday (with no happy pill).
Ok, I'll stop now. I sound like him.
May the peace of Nyquil wash over me now...

Crowns and Fleas...

...but not fleas wearing crowns because that would be odd.

So I survived my dentist appointment last Wednesday...well, obviously I did, because I am writing you, but I mean I really survived it.
Remember that little blue happy pill?
Yeah, neither do I...
Nor do I remember the appointment, driving home, rather my mom driving me home...or the various stops we made on the way home. In fact I don't even really remember being at my son's tball game last Wednesday night.

Needless to say the little blue pill indeed worked it's magic.

Thankfully Mom didn't put up a YouTube video of me...she did post a picture on FB of me and the clown cone from Baskin Robbins I insisted she get me on the way home.
After the Baskin Robbins stop I apparently also made her stop at Fresh Market. I love Fresh Market....even when I'm sober...apparently under the effects of the little blue pill I really like it. I am sure it was a glorious trip to the market...I really do adore that place and all their yummy food. It's so fresh. And it's a market. A great combo if you ask me.

Like I said, the tball game that night is a little fuzzy too...I remember bringing my bag of popcorn (from the Fresh Market), gourmet mind you, to the tball game and not sharing with the little kids... I mean come on kids, let's leave the five dollar gourmet to me, you take the dollar box from the concession stand.
Anyhoo, no one looked at me funny at yesterday's game so I must have acted semi-normal Wednesday night (that, or they think I always act like I'm crazy...perhaps they shouldn't answer that).

And the dental saga continues...I am going back to the endodontist tomorrow so he can "finish up"...I had to call and find out when exactly this appointment was...I had a hard time remembering when I made the appointment. I asked the girl about the little blue happy pill and she told me I wouldn't need it. Hmmmm... I hope she is sure about that.

In the meantime the temporary crown came off yesterday...might have been that piece of licorice I was having...I plead the fifth. I am carrying it around in my purse in a ziploc bag, they told me not to try and re adhere it with denture cream (my idea...that I thought was brilliant.) She told me I might swallow it.
I wonder if I could put it under my pillow. I have had my eyes on a new pair of brown boots... What's the tooth fairy paying these days???

Now on to fleas.
I wish I had a prettier transition.
I don't.
I mean, it's fleas.
There is no way to "pretty" that up.

We have three dogs. And it appears all have been taken over by fleas.
I took them to the (not so cheap) groomer last week to have this little problem fixed. She gave them some little pill...not a little blue happy pill...a get rid of fleas to make your owner happy pill...
She said they'd be gone in 30 minutes, then they'd bathe them and shave them and call me for pickup.

Fast forward a week later...the fleas are still here. In abundance.
It's like they are retaliating against me. You took out our brothers, sisters, and cousins with that tiny pill...we'll show you!
The ultimate is when I went to take a sip of my coffee yesterday and I found one who had decided to drown his sorrows in caffeine. Yes, right there in my coffee.
I called the hubby immediately and said it's me or the fleas. They will not win!
Sooooo, the dogs have an appointment with the vet in the morning. And the house has a date with a flea bomb.

I'm not sure what a flea bomb is but at this moment it sounds divine. So we will exit the building, er, house tomorrow and detonate the bomb.

May no flea be left alive.

Pass the happy pills...

I'm off to the dentist.
Well, not the dentist, the endodontist.
I am not even sure what that means.
I do not like the dentist.
I do not like the endodontist. (I already know...I can tell)
I did not like the orthodontist. (Back in HS...man, the pain after they'd tighten those braces...they robbed me of all the fun I could have had with that stick of laffy taffy)

I think it's safe to say I am not a fan of all things ending in "tist".

Sure there are those places that offer you warm milk & cookies, hand massages, vibrating chairs, etc.
HA! Yeah right, that does not change the fact you are coming at me with a drill people.

So I'm ashamed to admit that today is my third appointment.
The first one I cancelled.
I had a mom event and I did NOT want to miss my precious kid free mom time to let some guy drill in my mouth. Where's the fun in that!?!

I cancelled the second because one of the kids had a stomach bug. It may or may not have been at least 48 hours earlier....but hey, who's counting???

Today is the appointment. I couldn't bail again. What would they think!?!

Who am I kidding?? I have already called twice to cancel, three times to ask what exactly they will be doing today, and twice asking what exactly they give for pain/anxiety...

When I called to ask for an explanation of the procedure and what they give the nice lady on the phone said, "oh don't worry, we have nitrous oxide (laughing gas) and Dr. so & so probably won't even have to do it...it will just be like a routine root canal..."

UMMMMM, HELLOOOOO!???!!!?
There is no such thing as a ROUTINE ROOT CANAL.
You are speaking to the person who had an IV for the first root canal. (that did not take mind you...and that is how I got into this little predicament)
Um, no.
I will need something a little more.

So, PTL, I am about to take a little blue "happy pill".
Mom is driving me.
I have already warned her, if I end up on YouTube she is off the Christmas list...and grounded from her grand kids.

Oh my word the nerves...
I can't even focus on the US Weekly Mom brought me to read...times they are tough.
Ok, gotta run...my "happy pill" and I have a date.

FREE Minivan To Good Home

There was a free van giveaway last Wednesday. Did you all miss it?
There wasn't much advertising.
In fact there was no advertising.

I went to meet a good friend over at David's Bridal to try on bridesmaid dresses. Have ya'll ever done that...it's like a whole room of taffeta and bright colors all rolled into one. It's enough to tickle the fancy of any one of those mom's from Toddler and Tiaras...

After trying on several different numbers...short, poofy, long, strapless, a line, one shoulder, gray black, purple, pink, orange...the bride settled on a perfectly acceptable little black strapless number that REALLY can be worn again. I always hate those brides that say (and I was one of them), "Oh don't worry, you can wear this again". Yeah right. Where? To the 1980 Prom flashback?




So anyhoo, after the dress was chosen the bride wanted to check out The Hobby Lobby. I am sad to say that prior to this trip she thought Hobby Lobby was a sporting goods store.
I know.
Shame.
We are trying to diversify her to the ways of the world.

After a brief run through the Christmas section (that has been up since mid-May) and the wedding section we were off to choose the flowers.

After the flower shop...which was all the way on the other side of town, we ran by the rental store, also on the other end of town.

About 5 hours after I had pulled up at the bridal store we pulled back in the parking lot so that the bride could drop me back at my van. When we pulled in she looked at my van and said, "Are your windshield wipers going?".

Now. This does not bode well for either of us. Because...

a) she even asked it, like it was a legitimate question
b) I answered, with a, "ooops, yeah, I must have left them on"

Um, yeah, I left them on all right.
I left the car running.
Unlocked.
With the keys conveniently located right there in the cup holder.
For FIVE HOURS.

Sadly the most disturbing thing to me was that I had JUST FILLED UP WITH GAS. And my tank was now HALF EMPTY! I hate paying for gas. I mean I have no problem spending 20 bucks on a great top at Tarjay...but I mean 20 bucks, that's only like a quarter tank of gas these days. Seriously, wouldn't you rather have a cute top over a tank of gas!?!?

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly...ok not really...I am still mad about wasting a whole half tank of gas.
I left my van running!!!
It could have been gone.
I can see explaining that one to the husband. "Um, sorry honey, I don't know what happened...the car thieves must have really wanted the van. What?? Noooooo, I didn't leave it running with the keys in it!!! Why would I do something like that!?!?".

I can only believe it wasn't stolen. Because...

a) it's a minivan. I mean come on. I don't even want to be driving it, but that 3rd kid really made it difficult to do much else.

b) ground in cheerios, goldfish, a three day old sippy cup and stickers all over the window kind of devalue it on the black market

c)some dude probably looked in there saw the carseats and was afraid the kids that belong in them were lying in wait. Ready to pounce on him and eat him alive. Much like they do to me each day between 4 & 7 PM.


Thank you to the mini-van gods who saved my little Sienna that day from uncertain doom. I am forever grateful.

Well This Is Just Weird

I am currently conducting a secret undercover covert operation...
Ok, so it's really not as exciting as it seems, but it is definitely puzzling.

I mean I conduct CoveOps (you like that lingo, don't you??) everyday.
We all do...especially us Moms.

For instance...
-There is "Operation Missing Sock". I conduct this one on a bi-weekly basis. In fact, anytime I do laundry. It never fails, there is always a missing mate.
And I like the motto, leave no man behind...er, no sock behind.

-There is "Operation Where Did That Tiny Lego Go That Jack Put In His Mouth".
You don't wanna know how this one turns out. Or shall we say comes out.

- And of course there is the trusty 'ol, "What In The World Am I Gonna Fix For Dinner Mission?".
This one involves carefully examining the ingredients you have before you...slightly frost bitten chicken, a box of hamburger helper (but no hamburger meat), leftover pizza....or of course, hotdogs.

-And then I'd be remiss to mention, "Operation I Am Not a Short Order Cook, You Will Eat What I Fix you....And You Will Not Appear Magically Hungry At 8PM, Which Is Conveniently Bedtime".
This one y'all, it's a hard one. It involves a lot of blood, sweat, and tears...well, not really all that, but it ain't pretty.

Ok, you get my drift.

Anyhow, the current mission is this.

I feel like I should whisper this and you should lean in close.
But I just had fiery chipotle salsa for dinner and I don't wanna catch your eyebrows on fire.
Not that I am really in front of you.
I'm on your computer screen.
Well, not really ON it per se...
Ok, you get it.

So yesterday I received a baby shower invitation in the mail.
For someone I don't know.
I also do not know the hostess.
Hand addressed. To my house. To me.
From people I DO NOT know.

Weird.

So I think to myself, maybe it's from someone in my husband's family.
Cause let me tell y'all they are large and in charge. Every time we have a family function I meet another long lost relative I've never met before. (and we have been together 11 years)
I still remember at my bridal shower there were so many people I didn't know who to look at and thank after I opened a gift.
AWKWARD.
I kinda did the whole..."thank you Aunt Susie"...as I skimmed the crowd with my eyes, not making direct contact with anyone.
Plus, who makes the new girl sit in the middle of a circle of 50 older ladies and open all the gifts anyway. It was like I was a chimpanzee at the Cincinnati zoo. I almost died of embarrassment.
But I did get the Williams Sonoma cake stand I had been coveting.

Sorry the train o' thoughts has derailed once again.

Long story short, nope, not the husband's family.
Nope, not my family.
Did the whole FB research thing, not friends on there either...she doesn't even look familiar.

The covert operation continues...

Btw, the invitation is really cute and they're even doing an exciting gender reveal at 2:30 PM...maybe I should show up for that.
Plus, it just dawned me...there might be some tasty treats...and cake... Momma loves some cake.
Ahhhhh, this is looking promising after all.
Now what do you get a complete stranger???

Grammar and Rhinos...

Ok, so I thought I'd tackle this subject early in my blogging career...I say that as if I'm embarking on a career path that will bring home way more than, "hey good job, that was funny".
There is something that drives me crazy and I need to share it with y'all. It is the faux pas known as grammatical errors. Now, I say grammatical errors because in this day and age with computers and all we can almost always spell check a document, email, text, or what have ya. I don't mean spelling something completely wrong.
For instance when I post a status on facebook that uses rhinoceros...because you never know when that kinda word might pop up in your day-to day activities...I totally spell check that bad boy.
The rhinoceros that is.
And his extremely difficult name to spell.
Why do that to us Mr. Rhino?!?
What's wrong with a simple cat? Or dog?

(ok...sorry...back on track now)

Oh no...that my friends can, in most instances be corrected before it goes into the technological land of forever. I mean the good 'ol there vs. their, your vs you're, its vs. it's...get my drift??

I must put my disclaimer in now though... I DO NOT SPELL THINGS CORRECTLY...I USE RUN ON SENTENCES AND DANGLING MODIFIERS (yeah, I had to look that one up too...).

So, this brings me to a recent little rendezvous that perhaps maybe sorta went down in my neighborhood last Saturday night. You see, momma was all kinds of tired and I just wanted to go to bed at a decent hour. However, the neighbors insisted I listen to the Cha-Cha Slide and I Got Friends in Low Places at decibels loud enough I could decipher every word(personally, I was near my wits end and I may or may not have wished my neighbors to "some low place").

So after waiting for it to end for a couple hours I thought I'd send them a cheery little note saying, hey, do you mind, knock it off...I got kids...who are trying to sleep. If you don't shut it down I'm going to send all of them over at 6am when they wake up--you might wanna have Cheerios ready....

I kid.

I seriously sent the sweetest little email you could imagine that kindly asked if we could wrap up a little earlier the next time.

Welllllll, lo and behold in my groggy mommy state of mind I seemed to have been mistaken. It was not our neighbors, it was a house several streets over.

Ooooops.

Well, let me tell ya I didn't get the oh so cheery note back. It was more like hey lady, quit your crying...it wasn't us.

Mortified.

So me being the (usually) non-confrontational, people pleaser, do not like anything to be wrong in the world, lets all be friends kinda person, immediately sent a note back begging for forgiveness.
Then I sat around the rest of the weekend and into the next week feeling horrible and wondering if I should go bake them a banana nut loaf as a peace offering. Although, I want them to STILL LIKE ME...so I scratched that idea.

Fast forward a few days later and my mom so kindly points out (because I immediately sent her the email saying...was I rude? was I too harsh? look what I did! eeek!) that I made a MAJOR grammatical error. In my haste to still be friends I typed the following:

Please EXCEPT my apologies.

Seriously!?!!?

So now, not only do they think I am a complainer...they think I'm an idiot.

Perhaps the banana nut loaf is not a bad idea.

**P.S. If you read this far I commend you. I feel like this was one big run-on post...full of comma splices, uneccessary shifts in pronouns, misuse of prepositions, and sentence fragments.

**P.S.S. And of course I spelled rhinoceros wrong...thank goodness for spellcheck!